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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in brett mx's LiveJournal:

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Monday, February 17th, 2003
12:41 pm
southern by the grace of god!
yeeha! i knew i wouldnt be able to stay away for too long! i think i should win an award for the most obcessive! i always knew i was.
i feel somewhat connected to my old life being here. i like it. but it makes me a little too homesick. just know that i miss all of you so much!
so heres the good word: i live in gaston SC! its a really small redneck town. they even have a chapter of the KKK here! no kidding. but the mission president somehow thinks that i am capable of opening up a new area, so he put us in the boonies. no telephone, no electricity, no furniture, no anything. but that was almost a week ago. we have everything now. we had to sleep on the floor for the first couple of nites. I'm still working on washing the smoke smell out of my clothes.I love it though. i wioll always remember serving here. my mission is sacred to me.
today is my first PDay and I think we are going to go celebrate in west columbia. i need to go shopping for ties at the salvation army, and buy a hoddie and other neat stuff.
oh check this out. my companion is elder sunia max fonua, from lehi, utah! kayelyn and denise, you have to know him. he's a big tongan football player! he knows you, so if you dont know him than you are rude.

i catch myself from time to time speaking in a southern accent. i havent started saying ya'll yet, but my accent is starting to change. i think subconciously i am doing it on purpose.

i dont know how often i'll be able to use the internet, so still write me using letters. I love you all!

elder brett murdock
3114 a hwy 6
lexington, SC 29073
*make sure you put my first name. apparently there is another elder murdock here, stealing my glory!

peace out

Current Mood: nervous
Tuesday, January 21st, 2003
11:07 pm
"God Be With You Till We Meet Again"

God be with you till we meet again; By his counsels guide, uphold you;
With his sheep securely fold you. God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again; When life's perils thick confound you,
Put his arms unfailing round you. God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again; Keep love's banner floating o'er you;
Smite death's thret'ning wave before you. God be with you till we meet again.

Till we meet, Till we meet, Till we meet at Jesus' feet,
Till we meet, Till we meet, God be with you till we meet again.

My MTC Address:

Elder Brett Cameron Murdock
MTC Mailbox #181
SC-COLU 0210
2005 N. 900 E.
Provo, Utah 84604-1793

I love you and I will be home soon.
-Elder Murdock
2:32 am
two words to sum up my day: recording studio. i woke up this morning and i went to finish recording all of my songs. i went in at ten and layed down a bunch of tracks. i'm so glad i'm done, it feels so good. i have been working on this for two years and now i am finished. wahoo! i am really happy with how it sounds. i hope that people like it.

after recording i went over to my house for a super navajo party! we had navajo tacos and brownies. what a killer combo! but we also watched "oh brother, where art thou?" which is definitely one of my favorites. i'm not sure what everyone else thought about it. oh well.

tomorrow is kayelyn's birthday, which also means that tomorrow i get set apart. i bought her a birthday present and i really hope she likes it. i'm sure that she will because she likes anything. i burnt her a cd with only one song on it. it is a song that i wrote and i recorded today. i think that she liked it. did i mention that i adore that girl so much? she is so awesome! i finally realized that its going to be harder than i thought to leave her behind. but i am looking forward to her being here when i get back. man, i would love to date her in two years.

i am going to be set apart as a missionary tomorrow. thats going to be so wierd. i am going to lvoe that feeling. i know it! i am excited to report to the mtc on wednesday. its going to be a completely new world, full of responsibility and schedules and not sleeping in and not spending two years in my parents basement.....

i love you all.

Current Mood: drunk
Monday, January 20th, 2003
4:10 am
today was my farewell. i wrote my talk at eight o clock. what was i thinking? man i'm such a silly little gook! any way, a lot of my friends came out to see me. that made me the most happy out of everything. as i sat up on the stand i looked over the crowd at all of the familiar faces. i have been blessed throughout my life with the most amazing friends. i'm such a lucky guy.

everybody came to my grandma spendlove's after for food. that was awesome. again, i love my friends. later on melissa came over to my house. she came to my farewell but took off afterword. she said it felt too awkward. i wonder if she ever remembers all the awkward times i had, and she told me to "get over it". yeah, i hope she felt that today. i hope she saw who my true friends are.

i cant believe that my days are so few. no one, but those who have experinced this, could even imagine how much faith i have to have. how hard this is going to be. but i will never know how wonderful serving a mission can be, if i dont experience how hard it should be. above all i am excited to make a difference and to serve.

i'm off to bed, peace!

Current Mood: groggy
Saturday, January 18th, 2003
11:53 pm
well today was saturday and what a saturday it turned out to be. a bunch of us drove down to provo to go do baptisms. and when i say a bunch of us i mean, adam, melissa, charlene, johnny, stephanie, lisa and myself. it was so much fun. i got to participate in the baptisms and the confirmations. thats was awesome. i love excercising my priesthood power.

after that we walked down to the mtc and had our pictures taken by the mtc sign. that was so cool, and i'll tell you why: everyone thought that we were missionaries. so everyone ws honking at us and waving. i cant wait to go! we even had the missionaries themselves fooled.

eventually we made our way out of utah valley and into the salt lake valley. we met up with kayelyn! in salt lake. and we all went to watch "the testaments: of one sheep and one fold" together. i love doing spiritual things with friends. there is nothing that will bring people closer than The Spirit! i love that movie so much. i have seen it so many times, and i still cry, yesterdays crying count was four. four times! thats insane.

i am so excited that i got to drive kayelyn home. i love talking with her. she is so perfect for me. i dont think that i will ever understand why i feel so nervous around her. i'm supposed to be masculine and composed. i cant have shakey knees around girls, especially around kayelyn. oh well. i'm going to miss you kayelyn! but thats not really news to you, i always tell you that.

tomorrow is my farewell talk and i havent written anything on it yet. maybe i should work on that. i'm so nervous that i will do a horrible job. anyway i should probably go work on that now. but anyone that has a livejournal knows where thier priorities lie.

almost three days left.
brett mx

Current Mood: scared
Friday, January 17th, 2003
11:46 pm
i'm so close to finishing my cd, it makes me sick! i layed down two more songs tonite. which only leaves about five more..... thats so many! i really hope that i can get it all done on monday. i'm laying down the piano and the cello tracks, along with the second guitar parts and all of the harmonies. its going to be a long day, but i hink it will be awesome when its over with. i'm really excited.

i subbed today and it went a lot better than last time. my friend charlie was there subbing for another (boring) class. i walked past his class and i peeked in, everyone there was reading silently in thier textbooks and working on thier assignments. BORING! in fact thats exactly what i said. i walked in, cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled "BORING!". all of the kids stopped and gave me the dirtiest looks. i was laughing so hard. it was so funny. any way, so i went over to this box of molecules and started piecing them together and making toys with them. i was hitting these balls together and it made a really loud clacking sound. i was so annoying, i told them it was becasue of my ADD! i eventually left the room and went to the office to talk to the attendance lady. on my way back down, i peeked into that same class that i was just in and all of the kids were running around being obnoxious! i'm so glad that i had a positive influence on someone today!

we went to two shows tonite. flocked cows at gotta lotta amd PPO at smithfield main. it was a lot of fun. flocked cows dedicated a song to me. it was called cellulite. i wonder if they were trying to hint something to me..........
and after that show we made our way to smithfield to catch ppo's set. it was really good. there were a lot more people at this show than at the other one. after the show a lot of people came up to me and said thier goodbyes. i heard a lot of "hey man, good luck. it was great getting to know you" and a couple of "i probably won't ever see you again"s. it really hit me. i am going on a mission on wednesday. for two years! i am sick at the thought that i will never see my friends again. i love my friends they have saped me into who i am. it just made me think a lot about what is going on. i really questioned the whole missiion thing tonite. and i'm still as excited as i've ever been.

i think that when someone gains a knowledge of the truthfulness of the gospel it is thier responsibility to go out and proclaim it to the world. i know that this gospel is true. i know that there is a supreme being and that i can communicate with Him through prayer. i know that for a fact. and now it is my duty to bring this knowledge to my brothers and sisters in south carolina. i take comfort in that. it took me seven months of painful, intense pleading and praying before i finally recieved the answer to my prayers. and i will never forget it. it was truly one of the most sacred experiences i have ever had. and becasue of these things i have grown.

i'm too excited for tomorrow! but i have to get up at six. i'm out!
take care

Current Mood: tired
Thursday, January 16th, 2003
11:13 pm
what a day it was! i did so very little today, cosidering how little time i have. i did get to spend some time with adam and johnny today. i love those guys so much! they are the best friends any guy could ever ask for.

i got to hang out with my old friends, roxy, al, nikki, and cookie. it was so good to see them. i havent hung out with them forever. its just too bad that i waited until i had six days here before i decided to give them a call again. we hung out at cookie's house (she's married now) and watched "the young ones"! it was so cool, its like they planned this nite full of things we used to do with each other. we mostly just sat around and talked about old times. i miss them sometimes. oh well, i'm going on a mission! they'll all be married when i get back anyway, so it was good to hang out with them one last time.

tomorrow i am going back in to the studio. i'm going to lay down guitar and vocal tracks for three or four or five more songs. i'm so close to being finished, i'm so excited. i dont think anyone but me really knows how much time and thought and emotion i have put into these songs. seriously, i've been working hard on this for a little over a year. so i'm really excited to be so close to being finished. i need more time. i wish i could take a lot more time and add everything that i want to the songs. i have so many ideas but i'm going to have to compromise a lot, for the sake of time.

i'm going in to substitute teach again tomorrow. it wont be the same because not as many of my friends are coming to visit me. oh well, i am a strong, independant, hard working boy. i dont need other people to make me happy..............................*if only*....

i guess its time to start detaching from kayelyn, or at least i am told. i dont think that its going to be so easy. i prefer to do it the fun way. the fun way is where you pretend that you're not really leaving for two years. and then when it does you have the chance to be really sad. and miss her a lot. and wish you would have done it the other way. yup! thats the way i prefer to do it (or so my track record would show). but seriously, i am going to miss her a lot. kayelyn, you better write me, at least for the first couple of weeks! :)

i need to go write a song or two
love me!

Current Mood: awake
Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
11:26 pm
i took some time tonite to walk through the blacklist when i was all alone. i seriously stared at the walls for twenty minutes. i could still see everything that has gone on in that very room. kids walking around in circles trying to create thier first circle pit. the merchandise set up in the back of the room, and kids eagerly waiting to sign a mailing list or grab a free sticker. the punk rock kids forced to stand outside and smoke, because thier better judgment prevented them from making friends with the younger kids. the ataris. that one fat kid with the shaved head that would always swing from the sprinklers on the ceiling. james dahle trying to fight dave, because we covered a bad religion song. afi. woodly bog's cd release party. signing my first autograph. kenneth in the broccoli suit. throwaway generation. nickle short. mike the janitor. public disorder. the borgo pass. overlooked. flocked cows. unlawful skalars. downplay. woodly bog........

i have never been flooded with more nostalgia in my entire life. and of all nites, tonite was my "farewell show". i'm leaving all of this. its so sad to say, but i feel like i left it a long time ago. or maybe it left me. but standing there, in an empty room, with my eyes closed tight. i could hear every concert, and smell ever cigarette. i miss that so much. i never thought that i would miss being called a sell out. or having every band you play a show with make fun of you to the crowd. its those things that made me love to play in a band with my best friends. and it made me play a lot harder. i cant help but think about what it will be like in two years, when i get home. i wont know any bands, and they wont know me. the venues will change. the styles will change. the bands will change. everything will be so different. but the feeling i get when i watch four local bands play, will never change. i've been going to shows for seven years and the feeling i get everytime i see a band play is the same as the first.

when i leave this here next week, i will be leaving so much more than my friends and my family. i'll be leaving everything i've ever known. every person i have ever met in my entire life will be left behind. the only thing that i will take with me that i know now is my testimony. and that is what i expect to carry me for the next two years. i know that my Heavenly Father lives, because when i think about all that i am leaving and think about why i can do it so easily, i know i couldn't possibly be doing it alone. i'm thankful for my friends, and for the lifestyle that i grew up with. it has made me who i am now.

i have one week left, i need to make it count. this time next week and i will have new friends, a new bed, all new faces, new town. its funny that i'll finally be moving to provo, when provo is the last place that i want to be.

i love all of you more than you realize. honestly...

love always
brett murdock

Current Mood: stressed
Tuesday, January 14th, 2003
1:47 am
one last time.....
monday has passed and my days here are numbered. i have so much to do before i go. i need to be with my close friends and my family before i go, because i know that if i dont get as much time with them as i can, i will regret it, and i will miss them. i cant believe my mission is finally here, i'm so excited. i nearly cry everytime i think about my mission, my commitment, my calling. i leave here in nine days. one of those days i will spend getting completely ready to go, and another day will be completely for my farewell and family. that leaves me seven real days to be with everyone. thats also not including going to the temple in salt lake and recording. i guess when i think about it i really only have five real days left. five is so little.

as my time here shortens i have come to realize that i like kayelyn so much more than i realized. she amazes me. i'm not going to see her for three days, she's going to see a concert in las vegas. i'm seriously going to miss her.

i am anticipating my mission so much. i cannot wait to be set apart as a full time missionary. full time. thats sounds so good to me right now. i'm leaving and entering the mission field. the battle field. armed with only my testimony. my mission is so sacred to me, i cannot wait to serve. i've worked hard, proven myself, and i've been called by my Heavenly Father to bring the fullness of the gospel to the people in South Carolina.

a quote by Elder Bruce R McConkie comes to mind as i prepare myself to serve.

"I am called of God. My authority is above that of kings of the earth. By revelation I have been selected as a personal representative of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is my master and He has chosen me to represent Him - to stand in His place, to say and do what He Himself would say and do if He personally were ministering to the very people to whom He has sent me. My voice is His voice, and my acts are His acts; my doctrine is His doctrine. My commission is to do what he wants done; to say what he wants said; to be a living modern witness in word and in deed of the divinity of his great and marvelous Latter-day work. How great is my calling!!"

i could never express myself better than that. how great is my calling. my authority is above that of the kings of the earth.

for once i feel really happy. i feel strong.
god speed
brett mx

Current Mood: tired
Monday, January 13th, 2003
10:25 am
fifteen minute drive
fifteen minute drive to nowhere,
is fifteen minutes full of constant audacity.
and every mile that we've driven,
is one more mile full of words we wish we could take back.

why cant we stop this?
you know i hate this.

i hate this feeling.
please stop this fighting.....

and so our "perfect nite has ended,
i hope you got everything off of your eager chest.
but me i have to drive these roads alone,
and think about every word we wish we could take back.

Current Mood: anxious
12:03 am
"do you remember that time when......"
ten days left, and then i will only be a memory. the only time i am ever refered to will be preceded by "do you remember that time when......". its incredible how well things are going right now. i just wish that i could get everything done that i need done before i leave. i have about seven songs i need to finish and record before i leave. i'm seriously praying for a miracle.

i gave a talk in church today and i think it actually went well. i'm surprised too, because i just kinda threw it together the night before at three thirty am. but i know that the Lord helped me and that my prayers were answered. i cried, i'm such a baby! all of my friends came to watch me speak. i'm so thankful for them. seriously, i really am.

so i have a list of movies that i need to watch before i can go, wanna see? ok!
1*the green mile
2*dumb and dumber
4*billy madison
5*corky romano
6*LOTR: the two towers
7*orange county
8*oh brother, where art thou?

thats all, for now. anyone wanna help? oh i also have to go to the midway antiques/ burger joint. and swing over to smith and edwards. these things are all mandatory. man, so much to do and only ten days to do it in.

warm hands, warm hearts

Current Mood: horny
Saturday, January 11th, 2003
2:32 am
mr. mx or elder mx?
what a day i've had today. i had the chance to test my luck as a substitute teacher at the high skool today. it was so much fun. i would really like to do that everyday, except maybe do a little teaching..... it was so much fun. all of my friends came to visit me during 4th and 5th hours. it was rad. i like my friends a ton.

tonite i took kayelyn out on a date! we went to iceberg and then we saw "catch me if you can". it was a good movie, kinda long, but well worth it. anyway, i had so much fun with her tonite. i seriously think she is the sweetest girl ever. i feel really lucky to be with her.

later on i was invited to tag along on the girl's nite out. that was pretty cool too. but i felt wierd half way through it, and that didnt work out so well. whatever....

my time here is so much shorter than i realized. its the 11th and i leave on the 22nd. 11 days left. i hope that i get everything fixed by then. sometimes i just feel like crying about it. i put up a front and i know deep inside that i'm so overwhelmed with what needs to be done before i go. but i'll go either way, no matter what i do or dont do, i'm gone on the 22nd. but my loose ends need to be taken care of or completely cut off, or i wont have a clear mind when i enter the mtc. i am trying my best to excercise faith in the Lord. its hard to be as blind as i am.


Current Mood: uncomfortable
Wednesday, January 8th, 2003
10:45 am
i'm probably gay.....
i was bored. i decided to take a "who is your indie rock boyfriend?" quiz. but i think that i got the most gay result ever. man, i think i need to stay away from these quizzes. but i guess being gay wouldn't be that bad........

who's your indie rock boyfriend?

brought to you by Quizilla

the quiz results said something about how i like to sit in the corner and cry. in case you cant tell my boyfriend is that one guy from bright eyes.
brett mx

Current Mood: somehow not surprised...
Monday, January 6th, 2003
6:52 pm
i'm going to have to change my IM quiz.......
so i had the rare opportunity to drive johnny kistemann around today(*please note the sarcasm), but it didnt really go quite as smoothly as it would had somebody else been driving. i picked up johnny at his appointment at three and i was taking him across town, to his other "appointment", when my car ran out of gas! seriously, running out of gas is so lame. so johnny adam and i hiked up to a sinclair station to get some gas. we filled up the gas can and elected adam to take the skateboard back to my car to fill it up. a half hour goes by and adam pulls up to the gas station. not in my car, but sitting in the back seat of a car filled with girls! i cant explain how confused johnny and i were. apparantly, the gas i put in the can was not enough to get the car started. so adam filled it up and started back when a car full of girls offered him a ride to the gas station in exchange for skateboarding lessons. so i refilled the gas can and the girls drove us all back to my car. we did all that and got johnny the dirty mexican to his "appointment" on time. wowie! what a crazy day!
for some reason i have no inclination to update my live journal since my return from st george. but i am hoping that i will regain my motivaton to update on a daily basis. but for now this will have to do. baby steps my friends, baby steps...... goonies+jello popcorn+nine o clock+family+my house=plan!
sometimes the truth can be damaging

Current Mood: anxious
Friday, January 3rd, 2003
12:59 am
go that way really fast. If something gets in your way turn.
what a freakin' awesome day. if i were to choose one, single thing i did today that could best represent my day as a whole, it would have to be: watching 80's movies on a couch. no contest. sure, i did a lot of other stuff, but this was the most reoccuring thing about my day.
first it was the karate kid late last nite at johnny's. i love that movie but i think it lost a lot of its hype over the years. mr miyagi seemed more crazy than he did wise, danielson seemed a lot scrawnier and less tough, and unfortunately the crane kick at the end was such a disappointment. oh, well. these things are merely trivial, because the karate kid was only a foreshadow of what would come to pass the next day.
by two in the afternoon i found myself passed out at j' nelle's house on the couch watching back to the future. i love little mikey fox. unfortunately the channel found its way to better things and we only watched bac 2 tha footure for a breif moment.
and last but not least i cant forget the way i ended my day. better off dead, laying on a couch at sarah's. what a frickin' rad movie. and what a great way to spend a day. its not that we have all become lazy, but more that we have all run out of ideas. we resort to movies to entertain us.
but that wasnt all that i did today. i did manage to get into the studio and record a bunch of vocals. that was a lot of fun. i had a support group there to help me hit the hi notes. some times i just need a little encouragement.
i think that i have forgotten how to write in my journal. it doesnt feel natural anymore. dang st george trip! oh well..........
Fighting doesn't solve anything. yeah, well neither does palm trees, ma~ the karate kid
brett mx

Current Mood: happy
Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
12:50 am
she's a little more expeidiant than i
wow, so it has been a while since i've updated my journal. a lot has happened that i am really happy about and some stuff i'm not so happy with.
i went to st george/las vegas this past week. it was so much fun. i love my family so much. but i'm not going to recap everything i did, if you are really that interested read my sisters livejournal. she's a little more expeidiant than i.
new years eve 2002 was the most memorable new years eve since new years eve 2001 or at least new years eve 2000, to say the least. shannon.janell.brian.kayelyn.adam.johnny.sarah.russell.jd and myself all hung out at janell's house. we just hung around all nite and did nothing, but enjoi each other's company. oh, yeah and i laughed hysterically at sarah and the endless nose blowing. what she liked to call "whooping cough and the snot from hell" silly girl. wait did i forget to mention that we didnt sleep that nite. good times
to all of my friends who expected, what seemed to be, the impossible from me this week(i.e.janell and heather), let me say this much: i finally talked to kayelyn. she's the coolest girl. i'm really happy.
i think that we fall in and out of bands as we fall in and out of love

Current Mood: satisfied
Thursday, December 26th, 2002
11:47 pm
let it snow.........
oh boy, what a day it has been. today i got to go to the temple with my bestest friend adam. it was so much fun, he has been such a blessing as i prepare to go on my mission. its so rad having him here, it seriously feels like he never even left in the first place. when we were at the temple today, one of the workers asked us if we were brothers. no one has asked us that for so long. i totally forgot that everyone would ask us that. it was pretty funny. but either way, i think that we act exactly the same, even though he has been gone for two years. i'm glad that we never grew apart.
so tomorrow is going to be the best! i'm headed down to lehi to go on a date with kayelyn! we are doubling with ben and denise. it is seriously going to be so much fun! i'm surprised that i'm not more nervous. she is the first girl that i have ever asked out on a date, that wasn't a high school dance. i know that we are going to have so much fun. i cant wait.
then after our date i am staying the nite in utah valley somewhere. i may have to sleep in my car. but that would be totally fine, i've done it before. but either way i'm staying the nite down there and my family is picking me up on saturday to go to st george. i guess that is going to be awesome, but i really cant remember what exactly there is to do in st george. oh well, i love spending time with my family, so either way it's going to rock!
so it sounds like i have a pretty busy weekend ahead of me. i hope that i get it all done.
the doors have been shut but the windows are all open

Current Mood: excited
Wednesday, December 25th, 2002
10:15 am
i'm dreaming of a trite christmas........
is it me or has christmas gone dramatically downhill? it seemed much more entertaining when i was little, when christmas meant waking up early to unwrap all of the presents that were layed out for us. when it meant laying under my covers at two in the morning too excited too sleep. i used to stay up late trying to listen for santa claus, now i stay up late updating my live journal.................
last nite shannon, brian, janell and i were driving around "looking at christmas lights". and when i say "looking at christmas lights" i mean driving aimlessly around logan trying to find something to do on christmas eve. nothing was open and we were all really bored. obviously our own families had given up on trying to make christmas eve entertaining. dont get me wrong, i love white elephant gifts, but is that what our christmas has been reduced to? i've been to three christmas parties this year and all three have included me recieving a white elephant gift.
so anyway, we drove around logan, nothing was open, not even walmart or beto's. so after we dropped off janell we decided to go to 711. yay.
that was probably one of the most festive things i did on christmas eve. because they were there so late i got a free donut, not because the 711 employee was spilling over with christmas cheer, but because they were going to throw them away anyway. so with a day old apple fritter in one hand i decided to make this holiday complete and buy some egg nog. it did taste like christmas, but not of my new found christmas. so i choked it down in the parking lot while gnawing on my donut that has been sitting in a diplay casse 36 hours. that was the extent of my christmas eve.
christmas morning is a whole new issue. i woke up this morning, not at six or even seven but at nine thirty. and it wasn't my excitement that drove my eyes open, but adam calling me. he had his christmas and was just winding down from everything. it is now 10:32 and i have yet to even look at my presents. i dont even know when we are going to open them. whats the point anyway, it's all missionary stuff, and if i dont get it for christmas i'd get it next week or the week after.
seriously though, i love christmas and i love what it truely means. when all of the hype and commercialism dies down, i am reminded of the gift of the Savior to the world. the ultimate and greatest christms gift ever given and ever recieved. i do love christmas time, but as i get older it seems, worn out, like it has become trite and tradition becomes less important and additonally abandoned until we eventually have absolutely no plans and are forced to walk the aisles of 711 at one in the morning.
oh well. adam and i get to talk to dave at one o clock to day. that will be so great. the three of us talking on the phone together one last time before i head out. and next year dave will be home and adam and he will be at my house on christmas day to talk to me.
it did snow last nite and today, i think it'll stick around this time

Current Mood: relaxed
Tuesday, December 24th, 2002
12:04 am
i'll be home for christmas........
what a freakin' awesome day it was today! i bet that today was one of the best days i've had in two years. in case none of you knew my best friend adam brown, formerly elder brown, returned today from his mission in north carolina. i couldnt help but just smile all day. it was so perfect to have him home. he hasn't changed his personality at all. he is still so funny. my eyes welled up with tears when i saw him at the airport. i'm such a geek.......
but i'm not going to forget my other cousin meghan who is visiting for a week. she has been going to a reform school of sorts in southern utah. i'm so glad that i got to hang out with her, she has changed her whole attitude around. she is so passionate about the church. i'm so lucky to have such awesome cousins and friends.
sleepy time
the underground music of this generation will become the pop music of tomorrow's generation
PS we all need to pay our respects to the late joe strummer. he died this week from a heart attack.....

Current Mood: happy
Monday, December 23rd, 2002
2:35 am
cold weather never brakes warm hearts........
its the 23rd of december and the temperature has started to drop again. our little valley finally recieved the snow that we had hoped for. snow that stayed through the nite. i'm sure that this time it wont melt away, but it always does. whenever the first sign of a warm day becomes apparent, the snow is gone. so what do we have to say about the snow this time around. it seems cold enough for the snow to stay, at least until christmas. but what about those disappointing days when we wake up to a warm day, a muddy lawn and a bag full of salt that will never be put to use.
and what about the salt? why is it that we try so hard and make it so important to have snow for christmas. do we even think about that when we throw the salt down to make a quicker, safer walk to our frosty cars each morning? i always undo what i hope and pray for, without a moments thought of why i wanted it in the first place. but like the snow, it usually leaves me anyway.
so do i even care about the snow this time? not really. why we want it there in the first place is beyond me. we do everything we can to avoid it when it comes. plowed roads.earmuffs and mittens. ice scrapers.snow blowers. there is so much effort put into removing it, so why does snow have such an appeal in the first place? because it's nice to look at it as it falls and covers our lawns, still half covered with the leaves we never got to. as we run out to our yards and stick our warm hands in the biting snow, we never remember that the same thing happened last year. we never remember how cold snow can be. we never think about how we held our chilled, blue hands to our heaters after our impulsive trip outside. thats where the problem is. the snow always looks so much more inviting and understanding than it did the year before or even the week before.
all that i have really learned from all of these bitter winters is that each year i hesitate just one moment longer before i reach up and pull that icecycle off of my roof, or wipe my windshield from the previous nites snow with my bare hand. i always wait and rethink for that one extra second but i always give in. i always forget.
the snow has fallen for me once more. so how will i measure up? should i run outside and jump right in, or should i stay inside where i know its warm and unfulfilling? each year we get a little smarter, a little older and a little less cold.
who's to say that any of this will make sense in the morning, but then again who's to say i'm even talking about the weather.......
i will always look forward to the spring

Current Mood: contemplative
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